Sweet Treats

I'm gonna start blogging more. 

This week has been pretty busy. It seems as if each day this week has been booked with something to do that will tack on 3-4 more hours to my regular 8-5 day. One of those things this week was going to an N.D. (naturopathic doctor) and having him assess why my stomach is always bothered after I eat a meal. He took a blood sample and said I should get my lab results back in about 10 days! I am excited, but until then, I am on a strict diet. I have a list of things to "embrace" and a list of things to "exclude". 

No Dairy, Eggs, Gluten, Refined Sugars, and non-organic produce. I can have meat/poultry in moderation, but he wants me to try my best to eat this way and see how I feel before the results come in. It has not been too rough. I feel great and am getting pretty creative in terms of what I call "sweet treats".

Every night--before this allergy test--I would eat dinner and then have my 'sweet treat' directly after dinner. It wasn't a bad thing, but I realized I was eating my dinner just to get to my treat! What a terrible way of viewing food. Needless to say, I am excited to see what comes of this blood work. 

Another neat thing that happened while I was at the doctor was getting a free book. The Doctor said, "you seem like you already know a lot of what I am saying. I wouldn't be surprised if you became a raw eater and started walking around barefoot, living under a tree (laughing)." I chuckled as he said that, and gladly took the book. In the short and expensive 1.5 hours I spent with the doc, I learned even more things about the human body. It is so interesting.

This weekend, I intend on finishing my tim keller book I am in the middle of, digging into this free book and maybe making a vegan sweet treat like this. Her blog is great. I have been following her for quite some time.

Happy Friday :)

Turquoise Booties and Good Tunes

I've been wanting sparkly or leopard shoes for quite some time. Hence, the above picture. Since my move from Denver to LA, I have not spent much on clothes. I found some treats last week at the thrift store, but have not let myself buy something nice for the sake of being good with my money and regaining my footing after the move. Im getting there. Slowly. Any who, I decided yesterday was the day to bite the bullet.  I went to TJ Maxx and searched high and low for booties. Nothing. Then, next door to Ross. Walked in with my eyes peeled back, and found these. They are kinda crazy, but I think they are fun.

I decided to do it. The price was too good to pass up. So now I have turquoise booties. I hope I get to wear them often.


It is funny how things we like can make us feel comforted. Since my move back to LA I have felt the opposite of comfort. Things like restlessness and anxiousness were becoming all too familiar. Last week, while I was in Boston with my church for a prayer tour, my apathy was broken. Moving back to LA has been one of the most refining endeavors of my life. I have learned that following the lord and my desire to do so is not just a feeling. It extends far into the depths of my soul that are broken and are in desperate need of change. That change though is so difficult. Character refining things hurt but are so good. I could equate it with exercising daily: It hurts and sucks when you start, but a few weeks into it, you are accustomed to it and you like the change you have seen or feel. Although I do not think the change happening inside of me will be as easy as starting a workout regimen, I know it is making me better. I know it is making me more missional in my pursuit of others and teaching me to put all trust in Christ.

I am learning. I clearly am still a work in progress.

After my turquoise shoe escapade, I drove home to meet my roommate for dinner. I put on my pandora to mat kearney radio and there was a song streak. I personally love when that happens. It was four of my favorite songs back, to back, to back, to back.

Starting with this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzmOtWGS0Ro
Then this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3x4em1cAfk

As if those weren't enough to make me feel grateful for this place and what its doing to me, I heard these two.

1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0idI4WiGSg
2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoRkntoHkIE

The last song. The second I heard it begin, my heart raced a little bit. This song was my Colorado song. I blogged about it a few months back. It sums up what Colorado did inside of my while I was there. It was my home and I missed it dearly. Last night, however, it began and I was waiting for the sadness of what I had in CO to sink it. And it didn't. My heart was filled with sweet and hopeful nostalgia. I did not feel confusion or sadness. I was happy. It was the neatest feeling to have a song evoke such strong emotions one way, and a few months later, hear it and feel gratitude for what used to be.

I did not think I would say that so soon. Enjoy the songs. They are some really good ones :)

Passionate

I have a few things I love to do these days. It seems with starting a full-time job and relishing my weeknights and weekends, I have to be even more intentional with my time than ever before. I am still working on it-perfecting it, if you will-but I have found a few things that make me full. They make me happy. These things make my soul well-cared for. 

Cooking. Baking. Eating. New Restaurants. I am a total foodie. In my "foodie-ness", I have always been rather the snob for my cravings. I am a foodie in the sense that I love real, local and fresh food. Food with little to no preservatives, sugars or fillers. I think food, real food, is absolutely beautiful. Sometimes I go into Whole Foods JUST to look at the heirloom tomatoes and smell the herbs. I think food for some reason, makes a connection in my head to the vibrancy of life. It is real and beautiful and alive, I love the metaphor of it. 

I also love what it does to me. When I cook, no matter how jittery and anxious I have been all day, I slow down to enjoy the process. I am working on not rushing when I finally get to eat the meal, I just get so excited, but I love looking at all the things I can incorporate together in order to make something bigger. I am a true believer that authentic conversation and limpid- heartfelt talks happen around food. I love creating it. I love eating it. I love what happens around it. And I love the realness of it. 


Today, I made Strawberry Basil Scones. Adapted from here. I resonate with her post alongside the recipe because it so reminds me of my move to Colorado, where she now lives too. Today, I am practicing the art of loving this city, this place and this breakfast meal, not knowing the change of seasons and change inside myself that will happen here in LA. 

Enjoy. They are mighty good. I used almond milk instead of coconut. I would use coconut, as mine were a smidge dry. 

On Grieving

Last night, my dear friend took me out to dinner at my favorite place in town. It used to be a mortuary and now its called an "eatuary", its the best place ever. The view is phenomenal and the atmosphere is trendy. The food is probably some of the best i've ever had and when you mix all those things with good company, it's really hard to compare it to other places.

One of my favorite things I love to do with a friend is commune over a meal. Some might say it is because I am a foodie and I love trying new things, but the truth of the matter is, I thoroughly enjoy eating with a friend and talking about fun, challenging and deep things. I think there is a lot to be said about sharing a meal with someone. In a sense, its vulnerable and in another sense its centered around the art of giving. If I could ask Jesus why he feasted with his disciples, I think he might say the closeness and community that happened over simply sharing a meal is really special and one of a kind.

Ten Months ago today, I moved here. I remember the feeling getting off the airplane. I remember going to the grocery store because I had nothing. I remember all these things. Little and big. I remember the snow and how quiet it got when it would lightly dust the pavement. I remember babysitting one night with friend and dying my hair in the next room. I could go on and on and on with "I remember"'s. This place has been so good to me. I feel as if I have redefined who I am and who I want to be. And honestly, I don't know if I could say that if I would have spent this last year in California.

As I was driving home last night, I started crying. Maybe it was the song on the radio, or maybe it was all these memories and ideas and hopes and dreams that flooded my mind. I have learned so much about myself here. Denver has been so good to me and for me. I thought of the doubts I had when I stepped on coloradan soil and how my confidence has grown in a few places. Looking back, it almost felt as if I was reading a journal on my life over the last year, but I wasn't reading anything. All these memories filled my mind and I began to weep. I don't want to leave this place. It has marked my life as pivotal and I am sad to lose it.

Right before I left California last summer, a wonderful friend read me this Donald Miller quote, and then gave it to me in a card:

“And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?

It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.

I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.

Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.” 

I remember her reading this to me and crying. She started crying. It was a special moment. I would read the quote every week when I had just moved here and get teary-eyed. I remember reading it to my roommate not long ago, and tears welling up. I was always afraid of the line at the very end though, the one where he says "you will have changed." It always scared me. How will I have changed? When will I change? What if I don't like the way I change? I dont want to change. 

This season of change has been so good for me. It is bittersweet. I do not want to leave here and how it has marked such a rich change in my life, but I know why I want and need to be back in LA. I had no idea I would be called to go back to LA so quickly. 

Today I am grieving Colorado and all it has meant to me. If I had no grievance in my heart, I wouldn't mean nearly as much as it has. 

May Madness

No, Im not going to write my thoughts on the NBA and all that has been happening with various teams. This madness, I am going to speak of, is about the great 'madness' I experienced in May. Lets go back to the first week.

I knew May was going to be a pivotal month for me. I had three big things that were going to shape, redefine and challenge who I was. May was the month I was going to have to make huge life changes and choices. I thought I knew exactly how it would happen..and boy was I wrong.

On May 9th, I got on a plane at 5:30am and headed to Boston. You can read here and here about an idea of the journey I've been on. The prayer tour to Boston changed my life. In the four days I was there,  Jesus revealed to me so many things. Things like vulnerability, trust and grace are just naming a few. It would take me far too long and boredom might sink in, if I went into full fledged detail. I hate to say the phrase, but it is one of those experiences that no matter how hard you try and re-capture for people, "you kinda had to be there." This trip was more about visiting Boston and being with a church family I love, I thought it was about deciding if I could move to Boston. Did I like it enough? Would it ever stop raining? Where would I work? Who would I live with? BLAH BLAH BLAH. And on the very first day, praying over the city, I realized this trip was not about me. It was not about my desires. It was not about my goals and wants. This trip was about Bostonians and  Jesus. The only part I had in the equation was to serve. I was not to "figure" it all out by myself and for myself.

I left Boston confused about my future. My best friends and sister text me on the trip something like this " have you decided..how are you feeling?" And all I could say was " I am at peace." Period. That was the end of it. I had no idea what I had peace about. I had no idea where I'd be living. But I had peace. The kind of peace that passes human understanding, yep, that kind. Phillippians 4:7. It was about the third time I had experienced it in my life.

Two days after I came home from Boston--confused but content-- and received an email from a wonderful man who I knew was going to someday be my boss. This story is another huge and long process. Telling it all would date us back to September of 2011. Needless to say, I want to work for this company. The email read something like this " Hi Erica, I hope Boston was a blast. Are we still planning on meeting next monday? Im excited to chat with you. -Peter." Wow. So now, I have to decided between Boston and Denver. Boston meant being with a church I love and want to stand behind. Denver meant comfort, friends and the promise of a new and wonderful career.

I met with Peter, and I got the job. I was so excited. Finally I could say I would be working with this company. A company that really cares for their people and wants to see them succeed. A company that wants to invest in the future of what they are doing today. I could not contain my excitement. Before I accepted, he asked me "Where are you at though? We want you to be happy and in the location you desire." Ok...coolest boss ever. I spat out " Los Angeles." Wait, What? Since when did this come into the equation? He answered " The last thing we would want is for you to come on board and then in 6 months say, ' I wish I would have looked into different locations', Let me contact the LA manager, and we'll set something up for you." Yep, coolest boss ever..again.

Four days after that meeting/job offer/chat, I flew to LA to surprise my sister. I got in super late on May 24th, and had a 7:30am interview with Brad (LA boss man), 30 miles from my sister's house. You know what that means. I had to be out of the house at 6am. Yay. It wasn't like I went to bed at 2am or anything. I met with Brad and failed miserably. My shirt wasn't tucked in, I forgot my resume, my answers sucked. I thought to myself, "Well Erica, you love Peter and really want to work for and with him. Denver is not a bad option." But I wanted LA. I wanted the crazy city life it breeds. I wanted to be within a short driving distance to my home church. I wanted to see the ocean whenever I wanted. I wanted to see my sister and husband a couple times a month. All these things I wanted. But I was so convinced I failed at the interview, I started telling myself how great Denver was. And it is. I came home on Tuesday morning and was waiting for the phone call. The interview ended with, "we are interviewing a few more people, I will call you sometime next week." Oh, that sound so promising. Tuesday went by as a blur from jetlag, and nothing. No call. Wednesday morning happened, and nothing. Then, when I had just gotten to work and was coming to terms with the fact that I would be in Denver for a few more years, I had a voicemail from a random LA number. My heart started racing. " Hi Erica, this is Susan (aka-Brad's colleague) and I wanted to follow up with you on your interview.....long pause ( ..great, here comes rejection) and we have good news, we want to offer you the position." Holy. What?? I  now have two job offers. Oh geez.

Boston to Denver to Los Angeles. My prayer before the Reality Boston Prayer Tour was to have me wherever He would want me. I remember saying "you are going to give me the answer I don't want, and I trust in your will." The month of may has been a tornado. A whirlwind, if you will. I thought one city, then the other, then another. These last 72 hours have been some of the most challenging of my life. Fear and Doubt sunk into every part of my being. Boston= scary. Denver= comfortable. LA= regressing. All these lies were not true. I cried and was scared and contemplated where I really should be. I chose LA.



To the city of angels,

Welcome me home. Im coming back for you.

xo.

Refinery

I had this blog entry all planned out in my head. It was going to be called "The Verdict", explaining where and when I will be/If I will be moving to another city in the near future. Here's the thing, I don't know. I have a hunch, and its a really good one, but anything could change at any moment.

What I have realized though in my life recently is the ways in which I have been refined and broken down, only to be made stronger, more thought-full and more in need of grace today, over yesterday. While I was driving home from work today, I thought back to a question that was asked to me on Thursday night at small group. "So Erica, when was it that you became a christian, or better yet, when did you begin to own your faith?" In my drive home today, I remembered my answer vividly. I said "In college. I began to own my faith my junior year of college. A lot of things changed for me that year, and I actually came to know the Lord." It seemed like a good answer--and what I had said it was true--but today (on my drive) I started to break down the makeup of the year 2009. It was "my junior year" that changed me, but as I drove with the sun shining down on me I thought, "well, what was it though?" and then I remembered.

My life turned upside-down six months after I turned twenty. I won't get too deep into the logistics, but every single thing changed for me. My family was no longer a "unit" if you will. I started a job on campus in the dorms and I had no idea what it meant to be a friend. It was as if I was having an out-of-body experience, but it changed me. Rocked me. Molded me. In the best way possible. It was that year that I began to actually desire the Lord because he really was all that I had. I had wonderful friends who pushed me to be vulnerable and transparent with them. They did not want a show. All they wanted to was to walk alongside me and be a true friend. In that year, I found Jesus. I firmly believe it was the hardest and best year of my life all rolled into one. In the midst of life being difficult and not so black and white, I truly began to fall in love with Jesus.

Flash forward almost three years and I am still being "refined". I would never have--nor would I now--understand how deep and how wide and how long the Father's love for us. With each new and courageous experience, I see him more. Last week, I had the wonderful opportunity to pray over a city. The city of Boston. Boston is everything you think it would be. To sum it up in once sentence. You feel as if you travelled back in time and gone europe all in one shot. It. Is. Magical. The epitome of Whimsy. It is everything lovely.

But Boston is broken just like we all are. It is in need of a savior daily, just like we are. But here is what I learned (amongst about 10 other things on my trip) is that with each challenge, with each brave act, the Lord is drawing us closer and closer to him. Whether it be praying over a city and resting in his grace and peace to bring Revival, or going through a devastating circumstance, each and every heartache carries the seed of a greater benefit.

So as long winded as that was, I am thankful for refinery. Thankful for the pain it causes and the wounds it leaves behind. Thankful for the tears and fear. Thankful for it all in the way of better understanding Christ.

Two Hundred Fifty Nine or 8 plus 15.

This one'll be short. Im too excited to sit and write a long post, so bear with me :)

Two hundred and fifty nine days ago was my last Sunday in Los Angeles. My sister was still on her honeymoon, and I decided to go to church one last time before I left for Denver the following Tuesday (Aug 23rd). As I sat in church, mourning the loss of a church in my life that had been so pivotal in my relationship with the Lord, I was excited for what Denver would hold. I had made the finite decision, and there was no erasing it. After the worship had ended and before the sermon had begun, an important announcement was to be made. The church was going to announce their newest church plant.

Boston. 

Great, here I am moving to Denver, and they announce Reality Boston. Boston has been my dream since I was seven years old. A few years passed and then I was looking into college in New England. Boston was on my radar again. I chickened out because it seemed so far from everyone and everything in California. A few more years passed and then my senior year of college came around, and it was there again. I was determined to get to Boston one way or another. I decided and felt Denver was where I was supposed to be. 

In fifty seven hours, I will be on a plane headed for Boston. The place I have drempt of living for my whole life. I fell as if my life is coming to a standstill, a crossroads if you will. I have built up this place for so long in my head. I will finally be there. I can count the days. I can count the hours. I can count the minutes. Its here and I am not sure what to think. 

All I know is eight months and fifteen days ago, I heard a big announcement at a church I love and May 9th 2012 seemed like an eternity. And its here. Wow.