ravenous

four weeks from yesterday, I start my job with nordstrom. yikes! that is an excited "yikes", but with hints of uncertainty and fear. something i have noticed about myself is that i am always wanting the next best thing. the new car. the weekend. the fro-yo outing. graduation weekend to replay. memories from santa barbara to come back. to get back home. to start the job. to take the nap. the check the facebook...the list is infinite. i try and live in the moment, but deep seeded within me is this restlessness. the pursuit of the next best thing and wanting it to happen at any given moment is sometimes what my life is defined by.

something i have realized recently however is, life is found in every moment of everyday. i cannot push the replay button and all the moments that left a sweet taste on my lips will never happen again, but new ones will come my way. maybe that's why i took up journalling a few months ago. something about it is like the taste of chocolatey frozen yogurt. it is tasty and sweet with hints satisfaction and contentment. when i read back on my journal, my mind wanders right back to those sweet moments that felt good on my lips.

for graduation, i received a book called "women food and god". i started reading it today and in it was this quote:

"we have become so obsessed with getting rid of our obsession, with riding on top of our suffering and ignoring its inherent message, that we lose the pieces of ourselves waiting to be found beneath it."

i don't want to be lost beneath the pieces of this message called life. i want to live with passion and meaning with a global perspective. i am not sure what that means, or how i will get there, but my earnest prayer is that i would not let mundane take the place of sublime. that i would find joy and life and god in all the little things that makeup everyday life.