today, I wrap up this series of blogs explaining a little more about being good, best, better. if you have no idea what I am talking about read here and here.
besides the things that I love to do, and aspire to do with intensity and richness, there is a list of things I do not do. This list is hard to make up. In one way you are verbally writing aloud everything you do not do, and have no real intention of doing.
and coming from me that is hard.
I am Ms. Independent with a capital I. I pay my bills, I buy my groceries, I do my taxes, I have my own car...BLAH BLAH BLAH. It all seems nice, and in a way, I can become prideful in those moments of realizing how socially mature I am for my age, but that's not all there is to it. There are things I do not want to do, can't do, and might not ever do.
I do not play in the snow. Playing in the snow is a relative term, but when I say this I mean the go-skiing-wear-ten-layers-and-freeze-your-butt-off. NO THANKS YOU. I would much rather it be snowing outside--which is very new to me--and watch a romantic movie with some soup and a cup of tea. Or better yet, a book and utter silence. I commend the people who can get all up in the snows' face, but I am not one of them. Being wet and cold and it taking 20 minutes just to warm yourself up. no thanks.
I am in sweats and pajamas about 75-90% of the time. I call them my "dumpy" clothes, and my roommates laugh at how quickly I change when I get home from work. I can blame it on the fact that as a child my mom would always say "change out of your nice, school clothes"..so inevitably, I change. I am warning you now, if you ever come over and right after a nice day out on the town together, I run into my room and change into my yoga pants and Stanford sweatshirt ( I never went there-I'll pretend), do not be alarmed. I have to be comfy, and I can fool no one.
I do not clean my bathroom every week. Yuck? Sorry. I clean the counters about once a week, and the shower and facility about every other week, but I just can't do that whole "clean your bathroom every saturday thing". There is only so much time.
Along with the "i don't of snow", I do not rock climb or avidly backpack, hike, repel, etc. I went to a school that, I swear breeds mountain men and women. Every single one of my friends would go climbing every two weeks or something like that, and ever since I slid down a rock two years ago while rock climbing, I never did it again. I will go if you ask me, but when I wake up in the morning, it is not my first thing coming to mind when I think of "fun."
I do not make everything more serious than it ought to be. In my last post, I lightly touched on my default of being explorative. In being wondersome and adventurous, I feel as If i can grasp the difference between serious moments and light hearted ones. I hate when you're out to dinner with friends and every one is laughing, and one person asks "so whats the hardest thing you've ever been through?" What? Two seconds ago we were all laughing about me spilling water on myself. I believe there are times for silence and laughter, joy and sorrow, contentment and wonder. In those moments however, I try, in my truest form, to be real with the conversation and real with my emotions.
I don't spend a whole lot of time with people who gossip. Truth be told, gossip used to be a crutch for me, and something in me felt as if it was thriving when I would make myself feel better by talking about someone else. Last year, I decided I was not to gossip. Not about someones clothes, how injustice was given to me, how terrible a situation was and I felt the need to recite it over, and over and over, not about anything. I try my hardest to stay away from people like that, and the possibility of letting myself think it is okay again.
This list has been difficult. I have sat here, on the couch and literally started into the distance that ended with the wall in front of me. It is hard for me, again, Ms. Independent, to see that I need hope and grace just as much as anyone else. "I can do it all myself, and I will be darn sure I do it well." But this list is humbling me in more ways than one. Whenever I want to pretend that I love clipping into a harness and sliding down a rock, or cleaning the bathroom more..well that one should actually do more of. Oh well. I am reminded once again, that this life, my life, is just as finite as is the time and effort I put into the things I do. There is a list of things I like to do, and do not like to do for a reason. And one day, I will look back on my life and either be proud of what I have created, or wonder where it all went. I prefer the former. There is only certain gifts the Lord has intended for me to do, and although I am not sure of all of them, I am certain of a few. The princely misconception of yours and my life is to be Better, Better, Better. And it is true, doing all you can to be better at everything will get you somewhere, but somewhere is probably not where you ever wanted to be.
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