Refinery

I had this blog entry all planned out in my head. It was going to be called "The Verdict", explaining where and when I will be/If I will be moving to another city in the near future. Here's the thing, I don't know. I have a hunch, and its a really good one, but anything could change at any moment.

What I have realized though in my life recently is the ways in which I have been refined and broken down, only to be made stronger, more thought-full and more in need of grace today, over yesterday. While I was driving home from work today, I thought back to a question that was asked to me on Thursday night at small group. "So Erica, when was it that you became a christian, or better yet, when did you begin to own your faith?" In my drive home today, I remembered my answer vividly. I said "In college. I began to own my faith my junior year of college. A lot of things changed for me that year, and I actually came to know the Lord." It seemed like a good answer--and what I had said it was true--but today (on my drive) I started to break down the makeup of the year 2009. It was "my junior year" that changed me, but as I drove with the sun shining down on me I thought, "well, what was it though?" and then I remembered.

My life turned upside-down six months after I turned twenty. I won't get too deep into the logistics, but every single thing changed for me. My family was no longer a "unit" if you will. I started a job on campus in the dorms and I had no idea what it meant to be a friend. It was as if I was having an out-of-body experience, but it changed me. Rocked me. Molded me. In the best way possible. It was that year that I began to actually desire the Lord because he really was all that I had. I had wonderful friends who pushed me to be vulnerable and transparent with them. They did not want a show. All they wanted to was to walk alongside me and be a true friend. In that year, I found Jesus. I firmly believe it was the hardest and best year of my life all rolled into one. In the midst of life being difficult and not so black and white, I truly began to fall in love with Jesus.

Flash forward almost three years and I am still being "refined". I would never have--nor would I now--understand how deep and how wide and how long the Father's love for us. With each new and courageous experience, I see him more. Last week, I had the wonderful opportunity to pray over a city. The city of Boston. Boston is everything you think it would be. To sum it up in once sentence. You feel as if you travelled back in time and gone europe all in one shot. It. Is. Magical. The epitome of Whimsy. It is everything lovely.

But Boston is broken just like we all are. It is in need of a savior daily, just like we are. But here is what I learned (amongst about 10 other things on my trip) is that with each challenge, with each brave act, the Lord is drawing us closer and closer to him. Whether it be praying over a city and resting in his grace and peace to bring Revival, or going through a devastating circumstance, each and every heartache carries the seed of a greater benefit.

So as long winded as that was, I am thankful for refinery. Thankful for the pain it causes and the wounds it leaves behind. Thankful for the tears and fear. Thankful for it all in the way of better understanding Christ.