twenty years

twenty years ago today my life changed forever.

taken weeks before his passing

of what i can remember, those few memories are vivid and forever seared within my soul. forever.

i remember it like it was yesterday, although, it feels like an eternity ago. i was standing at the door of my bedroom, holding hands with my sister, watching the paramedics rapidly work on my dying father. i did not know it at the time, but he had only seconds to live. by the time they rushed him right across my bedroom, down the stairs and onto the hospital, he was pronounced dead. now of course, i do not remember all of this. most of what i just told you was a story that was retold to me over, and over and over again. since i was so young, i do not remember how differently life changed after that crisp january morning. another thing i do remember though was a few days after the loss, i walked into my mom's bathroom only to see her sitting on the floor, crying into a washcloth. i was 2 1/2,  i had no idea what to think or discern. i had no way to console her, or give her words to comfort and help her.

as i reflect on this bright and sunny morning here in colorado, i am once again reminded of the lord's goodness and grace. as i was thinking and praying a little earlier, in the shower, i was trying to get a glimpse in my mind of what life would look like if my father were here with me today. how would i be different? would i know the same wonderful people i call friends? would i be living without immediate family, in a different state? would my sister have met the man she married? would my mom have gone through what she did? all if my father was still here?

of all of these questions, i am not sure. it is overwhelming to think of all the possibilites, and how one morning twenty years ago my life changed forever . twenty years is a long time. a long time to think and reflect. a long time to change and grow. a long time to experience the grace of the lord.

this morning i am thankful for life in abundance through the lord. i am hopeful for my future found in the identity of christ, and i am humbled at the mercy he has shown me.

shalom.