Chasing The Light

We run towards what is enticing. Whether it be a new city, a job, or a relationship, we run towards that which is alluring. Allure is better and seductress all in one. Somewhere along the way, we got the idea that all things are made new after 365 days. Western society makes us believe that a new year will bring change and new opportunities. It usually does, but it is not because the year changed to a new number. Change is inevitable and happens as time marches on. As time marches on, so do circumstances and our perception of things. Things that used to be a big deal to us, no longer are, and things that used to have no value to us, suddenly mean the world. 

My senior year of college, my favorite professor told me these wise words. "You have to rhythmically reflect the person you want to become, who you want to be will not just happen. Your life is and will be set up with what you fill it with on a daily basis." Aside from 2012 being probably the best year I have lived, I still have things I want to enjoy and would like to practice more often. I want to become a better writer. I want to start my food blog I have been dreaming of for quite some time now. I want to discipline myself to intentionally seek out people I want to get to know better. Lastly, I want to be a student of the Word. I hope I can reflect back on 2013 and more fully understand myself, the people around me, and what it looks like to live a life on-mission for the glory of Jesus. 

San Francisco, CA - Chelsea, Pierce and I the day before my Unum Interview (January 2012)

Boston, MA- The trip that rocked my world upside-down (May 2012)

Vail, CO- Driving through the rockies on my way home to LA (June 2012)

Boston, MA - Prayer Tour #2 ( Sept 2012)

Whether or not I will look back on 2013 with a smile on my face, or tears in my eyes, I choose to let things continue to be born inside of me. Things like trips to places you dream of only to find out it is not where you belong. Things like mourning over the loss of something beautiful and good. Things like meeting new and different people to challenge, shape and grow you into something more than you could have imagined. I want to chase that kind of light, the true light that leads and guides and directs our steps even when we have our own plans. I pray--you and I--chase The Light. So much fruitfulness is found there. 

Everyday Graces

It's officially my favorite time of year. I love the fall. All things pumpkin I adore. I especially love Christmas, however, more than any other holiday. If you know anything about me, I am the queen of nostalgia.  If something exciting happened "one week ago today" i remember it and reflect on the day that has passed. If something neat happened " a year ago today" i let myself remember what I felt and where I was at when that specific instance occurred. 

A year ago today, I bought my first car. A little black honda cr-v. I remember it like it was yesterday and an infinity ago all at once. I remember coming home from work and asking my roommate where the keys were. I was so excited about it, that night I went to Target and bought snow gloves and a snow scraper for the storm that had already set in. I was so excited. 

Today, I did something entirely different. I participated in this. A year ago I remember feeling such gratitude and thanks for my car. I was so grateful for transportation of my own. I was so thankful for the Lord's provision. Today, I am so grateful and thankful in a completely different way. I got to see His kingdom today down on skid row. I am grateful for his love and how he loves us all the same. I am thankful for his pursuit of me and protection over my life. I was humbled for not just a car, I was humbled for even the chance to participate in what I did, to hear these stories and listen to these men and women who showed up. I came home and began to realize everyday graces in everything I have. I ate lunch and I truly was thankful for food. I took a nap and was thankful for a bed and a blanket to keep me warm. I walked to my neighbors to do laundry and was thankful for my legs that get me around. 

Grace abounds all around me. I am more and more aware of it the more I focus on his kingdom and his mission. In the past three weeks the Lord has been revealing to me true gratitude and thankfulness. I am understanding what it means to give thanks in ALL things. In order to see his glory, we must suffer with him, with his people. When we exalt him and see him where he rightfully belongs as king, we correctly view ourselves and the world around us. 

Colossians 4:2- Continue, steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. 

Partyin' till 2am

This 4 day weekend has been amazing. My last thanksgiving was a hard one to beat, I was living in Colorado and the Van Essen clan let me crash their party playing-eat three times-laugh your butt off -holiday dinner. I was a little nervous how this one would pan out. It FAR exceeded my expectations.

On Wednesday, we were all hoping our boss would tell us at noon that we could scoot on out. We waited, and waited and waited. It was lunch time and I went to the break room. Five minutes into lunch, he came in and said we could go! I tried not to eat too fast, but I was too excited for a few afternoon hours without work. Later that night, I went to see Lincoln with some friends. It was good, but long and slow. I would redbox it.

Thursday I got up at a leisurely pace, made this vegan apple cranberry pie and worked out. I got ready and headed off to my friend Daisie's uncle's house. After dinner, I went to my community group leaders house.We went around in a circle and shared what the Lord has done in our lives over the past year, prayed together and then drank wine by the fire. It was special and sweet. I didn't go to bed until 2am.. TWO am. Totally not like me.

Friday, I woke up, leisurely again (sound like groundhog day anyone?) worked out, did laundry, etc. I went to be with my church friends, again for a post-thanksgiving potluck. I knew it would be a late night again, but I have been feeling so refreshed from this weekend, that I did not mind. For the first hour or so, I mingled and ate some dinner. Then, Michael Jackson came on and I didn't stop dancing until the cops showed up at 12:45am. Again, not like me to be up so late. I was having the time of my life doing the dance to 'bye bye bye' and 'billie jean'.

Today has been filled with movies, a nice run outside in my favorite spot of town and grocery shopping. Hope y'all didn't mind the play-by-play. This weekend has been incredibly refreshing, giving and filling all at the same time. I am thankful for every single grace and gift I have that I do not deserve.

Crunchy Goodness

Today felt nice and long. Honestly, it felt like my morning was dragging on for days, but I decided to enjoy the extra hour I was given.

I went to coffee with a friend, church, an info meeting, lunch and then served at church. I got home, and it was only 7. Yippee!! After cruising facebook (which i hate), I decided to make a yummy go-to breakfast for the upcoming week. Granola. I followed this recipe, but adapted and changed it to suit my chocolatey cravings. I literally made it up, and it is so yummy! 

Chocolate Pumpkin Spice Granola

2 Cups Rolled Oats
1/2 Cup Unsweetened Coconut
2 T. Coconut Sugar (Alternatively, you could use table sugar)
1/4 t. mediterranean sea salt
1/2 t. cinnamon
1/2 t. chia seeds
pinch of pumpkin pie spice
4 T. Coconut Oil
3 T. Organic Cocoa Powder
2 T. Organic Pumpkin Puree
1 T. Agave/Maple Syrup/Honey ( I used agave)

Pre-heat oven to 300 degrees. Combine oats, coconut, coconut sugar, sea salt, cinnamon, chia seeds and pumpkin pie spice. In a separate bowl, combine coconut oil, cocoa powder, pumpkin puree and agave. Mix until the pumpkin puree is blended into chocolate sauce and becomes creamy. Add liquid mixture to oat mixture. Coat oats well with sauce. Spread over cookie sheet and cook for 30 minutes in 10 minute increments. At the end of the 30 minutes, it should be crunchy and warm. enjoy!

Consuming and Creating

I love creating dishes. I am obsessed with it. Real and alive food that turns into a masterpiece is so life-giving to me. It is my form of catharsis at the end of a tiring and sometimes, boring day. Ever since I can remember, I have loved being in the kitchen. Standing over the stove, cutting something up on the counter or sifting through the fridge to make up something grand, I adore creating. I remember when I was little, I would help my mom make the pancakes every Saturday morning. I attribute my fancy flipping skills today to those early Saturday mornings. More than likely, it helped that my aunt is French and fed us the craziest, most delicious foods I could ever imagine. Salmon with a blueberry glaze with a side of red wine marinated Brussels sprouts. Yum? Yum. I grew up celebrating around food.

I guess you could call me a “foodie”, whatever that means. I know what it means, I just think it is a funny word. When people first get to know me, the quickly realize food is a passion of mine. Sometimes I get the underhanded dig/joke, and other times people want to know the deeper reason of why.  Most people prefer the former. The truth is, I love two things about cooking, number one: the process, number two: fellowship with loved ones over the meal.

In loving the process and pausing aspect of cooking, you would think it would transcend into the other facets of my life. It has not. Since my move back to California (and before you skim ahead, because it is all I talk about. I am sorry. TRULY) I have neither enjoyed the process of Los Angeles, nor have I allowed it to set into my being.  In complete opposite of relinquishing and allowing the process to do its work in the kitchen, I have been scrambling to find my way. I have no patience and sitting in the refinement is hard.

If I sit and let myself reflect on these past four months, I can see the most painful change happening, but the most beautiful I have ever experienced. At church, we are going through a series in Matthew on the Sermon on the Mount. The series is called “The New Society”. New because Jesus brings revival and newness, society because everything Jesus says in his sermon is counter-cultural.  A few weeks ago, I asked the Lord to strip away all my bandages. All the wounds that I had forgotten were there. I asked him to reveal things to me that I had blocked out of my memory. I asked this of him so that I could see him more fully. In order for me to live out His mission, I wanted to give him every hurt and burden I had been hiding because it was “easier” to leave it at the bottom of my heart.  Jesus wants to heal us.

My world is being rocked. I am seeing the kingdom more fully than I ever have. I am experiencing the functional love of Christ with each instance of events. I am learning to appreciate this growing season. I choose to appreciate the process and I ask for patience as I understand the fruit of this season.

AND, since I love food, I couldn’t keep you all hanging. Last night I made Vegan Pad Thai.

Vegan Pad Thai

Ingredients

¼ cup lite coconut milk ( plus a little extra to make creamy)

2 garlic cloves, minced

1 T coconut oil (alternatively, grass-fed butter)

1 Package Sprouted Organic Tofu

1 tea curry powder

¼ cup green onion

1 tea cayenne pepper

1 T Peanut Butter

S&P to taste

A loose bundle of kale leaves

½ package brown rice noodles

Unsweetened coconut  flakes to garnish

Instructions

1.       Boil the water to get ready for the pasta to use. I use brown rice, but any pasta would work.

2.       Heat up coconut oil with garlic until fragrant

3.       Cut tofu into ¼ in. slices and let sear on the pan until brownish.

4.       Throw pasta in the boiling water and let cook until al dente

5.       Once tofu is browned, add in coconut milk, curry powder and cayenne pepper. You can add in salt and pepper here, too.

6.       As the coconut milk mixture begins to simmer, add in peanut butter, green onion and unsweetened coconut flakes.

7.       After the pasta cooks, drain and add into the tofu pan. Toss with a few sprigs of kale and garnish with favorite crumbled nut.

Why I love Urban Living.

I had a friend come up and stay with me this weekend. As we were driving from Santa Monica back to my house in the city, she said “ it is so odd to see you in such a run down place. I don’t think I could ever do it.” As she was speaking, I started to think. Yes, LA is run down, beaten down and rough around the edges but there are so many reasons I chose it.

1.       The food. The culture of food here is incredible. I can eat an entirely raw meal and then walk three feet and have the best thai food in the world. Everything from vegan ice cream, to small shops that close every few hours in order to make the food only to re-open with what they have been cooking. Food trucks hidden on street corners that have the best waffles or the best tacos around. There is always something to be seen and eaten here. You want sushi? Great, its here. You want the best pizza, its just 3 miles west. You want the best coffee in LA, I can get you there in less than five minutes. I love that.

2.       Diversity. I work in Glendale which happens to have the most Armenian inhabitants other than Armenia, which is crazy in itself. However, when I get home, there is a large Hispanic community all around me. Young and old, I see many families walking to and fro. Moms with their kids after school, older men with their CVS bags in hand, even to the homeless man on a wheelchair talking to the sidewalk. I see a lot and although it might be deemed as “run down” I see it as beautiful and eye opening.

3.       Places. I can go from a poverty-stricken part of town to the most beautiful place in LA within five miles. I dare not say 5 “minutes”, because anyone who has spent decent time in LA knows that a 5 mile drive takes no less than 20 minutes. All that said, I can go from Hollywood to Silverlake (my favorite place) in 10 minutes. I can go from Hollywood to the heart of downtown in 20 minutes. I can be swimming with the surfers in 30 minutes and I can be hiking the Malibu cliffs within 40 minutes. There is so much to do and see.

4.       My church. I will not idolize the place the Lord has given me to attend on Sunday mornings, however I am thankful for their mission as a body of Christ believers in the city. There are many wonderful churches here in LA, and we are thankful for them. We pray for the gospel-centered churches. We pray for blessing and vision and grace. I like how the friends I have created at church challenge me. Just the other night, my good friend called me and within 15 minutes of chatting, she was reading bible verses to me. I am humbled to be around men and women who are passionate for the Lord and his will.

5.       Urban.  The very reason I do not like LA all the time is the same reason I know I am here. No, LA is not pretty. No, LA is not clean. No, LA is not suburban. LA, however is the place I feel I am to serve. Over the past few months, the Lord has shown me that he is in the less-than-desirable places, but that is where I will see him most. I have a greater calling here than to just “live”. I am supposed to go to the dark places. I am supposed to go to the unwanted. I am supposed to go to the poor. Jesus went there for me. 

Getting Through

Most mornings are characterized by me feeling my phone vibrate and me thinking, “shoot dog this is early”. Recently, I have been waking up an hour earlier in order to get in a 30-45 minute workout in before work. I have a new rhythm I am trying to make a habit, and I am liking it. For the past 3 months I have been getting up for work, going to the gym and then rushing home to make dinner, shower, read and relax all before 10pm. It was getting to be too much. I noticed I was rushing through things in order to do just that-To just get through. Since my new regimen of waking at 5am, I am liking my days a bit more. When the work day is over, I can drive home right away. There is no need to change in the bathroom at work, sit in more traffic and then be rushing to get home. I am liking it all, but I notice I am *still* trying to get through.  Today for some reason , I could NOT get out of bed. I went to bed on time and fell asleep right away, but I hit snooze 2x and slept in the extra hour I used to (6:30am). I have been realizing for quite some time something about myself and that is that I am always trying to get through.

Going to work hoping the day will pass quickly for it to be 5pm so I can be home.

Waiting for lunch time to roll around so then more than ½ the work day is over.

Working out just to finish the run and be done.

Cooking just to eat and then want to make something for my next meal.

Liking Los Angeles, but desiring Denver and telling myself to ge through it here so I can go back.

The list could seriously go on. I feel as if I am always comforting myself by telling myself, “when this is over”, or “you’re almost done”, or “just get through it for now”, or “it wont last forever”

I am well. I am happy. I am not just pushing through because it is so horrible that I am forcing myself, but I still am doing that. I am always wanting the next thing and wanting the old to be over. I am praying for a heart of contentment and peace.